sumtyms i wonder wht'd happen if i din eva wake up, afta one of those long,lonesome nights...rite from the time i was a kid,its been a morbid kinda fantasy to die n watch my own funeral frm above or below or whreva...who all attend...who's tears really flow...how many faux displays of grief...how many ppl sayin i had it comin!!lol...
anywayz...today is yet another of those days whn u wake up,n wonder wht i shud do to make today more meaningful...sumtyms i'm pursued by this fear tht i havent done anythn to justify my existence here...ppl are fallin like flies all around...if were to be next,how'd i make my peace wid my maker??post-college angst,u'l say...or maybe,existential crisis...i dunno...i'v alwayz thot a lot more thn's good for me...
i see so many ppl pass thru life widout so much as a thot about wht lies below the surface...they seem to be able to handle it all best...so am i carryin excess baggage by tring to dig a lil deeper?is it the best thin to be doin wht everyone's doin at the time,and not ask too many questions?certainly seems that way,from whr i stand...
sumtyms ppl seem false in their interaction with each other...does this happen in their "i,me n myself" conversations also?i mean,is it the best thin to tell urself tht ur doin just fine,n get the hell along with it...rather than spend tym wonderin wht u've lost to gain wht u have...i've heard tht life's like a crucible,whr ur burnt at very high temperatures to get rid of the impurities in u...and they still write songs tht go,"...take me as i am..."...lolz!!never really worked tht way,rite???
i'm not really as pessimistic or fatalistic as i mite seem,for all the doomsayin n all...lol...i guess its just "tht tym of the month"...mental menstruation!!lol..i cud hav been less gross n said,emotional load shedding,or sumthn like tht...but the 1st one is so much more on-the-spot!lolz...anywayz...maybe tomorrow will be a difren day from all these other todays...thts the die-hard optimist in me speakin...he musta managed to surface for a breath from under all that dank,dark morbidity...gone under again now..dunno for how long...anywayz...guess i'l hust hafta stick around n wait..n hope he wont drown this tym.
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6 comments:
i think u ve had an overdose of elke last nite...i must have passed on some of those infectious pessimisto-depressicus virus . buhhhahhaaaaaa....i am merciless...
anyways.....on the plus side..once u join MICA, u'd probably want to laze around for a while more than anything...so perk up..do not feel guilty.Let sloth and gluttony rule..Indulge...(btw stock ur fridge)..lol
Hmm..Deep. I did think you thought a lot. Everyone of us has grappled with these very same thoughts at some time or the other. I think it's each person's way of dealing with them that differentiates them from others.
"i see so many ppl pass thru life widout so much as a thot about wht lies below the surface"
they all think about it. trust me. they just hide it better...
mental mensturation... you hit the nail on the head.. however crude that might have sounded!
Today is when I find out that you had a blog..can't post expletives here I presume..
Nevertheless, its' a nice read + even I used to have similar thoughts of seeing people crying crying when I die blah blah blah..
:)
my atrocious spelling in this post still makes me cringe. :|
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